“Drugs” that can help your Triathlon

I found this interesting article on Twitter and it brought much enlightenment as it suggests just how powerful we are using the power of our minds... Enjoy the read 

by Chris Hague

Unlike other sports like cycling, baseball, and track (at least the sprint events), triathlons, marathons, and swimming, for now, have escaped the taint of illicit, sports enhancing drugs. However, if we really look into these sports, illicit “drugs” run rampant. I doubt that any successful triathlete, distance runner, or swimmer has not taken some drug to boost their performance. Even Chrissie Wellington, who led the initiative to publish all drug tests, is guilty. I am of course not referring to the drugs that we see in the media such as EPO, steroids, über caffeine pills, beta blockers, and the like; I am talking about the much more potent, mind-altering “substances” that usually go unseen in sports.

Last year, I was looking for a boost in my training. My workouts had become flat; my body always seemed to be tired; I could not recover from workouts; and, my times had hit a plateau. With the race season approaching, I was desperate and needed change quickly, so I turned to drugs. Having come from a neuropsychology and chemistry background, I went into my basement, set up some stills, and began concocting some really powerful substances. I finally created the perfect cocktail of “pills:”

My first discovery, I called TripleZ, which is also known on the streets as 40 winks, the sandman, and shutter-I; chemically, it is called sleep, and would be classified as a depressant meaning that it lowers the heart rate. TripleZ is one of the best performance enhancing drugs out there. It allows the body to recover quickly from hard workouts, repairs muscles, keeps us motivated, alert, and focused. It does have some bad side effects though. Without it, we feel sluggish, irritable, inert, and clumsy.

Moreover, you have to be careful with this stuff since you can overdose, which can be almost as bad as taking too little. You have to try to limit yourself to 7.5-9 hours a night depending on your weight and activity level. Like other drugs though you have to make sure you get the highest quality. Many dealers will try to give you some cheap product that only lasts 20 minutes or 4 hours, which are quick fixes but will make you crash pretty quickly. Moreover, there are a lot of knockoffs like alcohol, power naps, Tylenol PM, Ambian, and Lunesta that swear it will take you to that same place. Unfortunately, they are not the same and will not give you the best “high.” To get the best, you really have to go into deep, dark underground of the “black” market where all lights, cell phones, email access, and cameras are banned. Many think that it is fairly expensive, but, in actuality, it is fairly cheap and definitely worth the investment.

Next, I experimented with hallucinogens and discovered a really potent mixture that I called PCP (chemically known as Pride, Competition, and Perception). Individually, these substances are pretty strong but when mixed together they get your body going! Pride gives you a feeling of success and “owning” your workouts, while competition motivates you to succeed. These two are pretty powerful stuff when taken alone, but can be really, really deadly if taken in excess. If you only take Pride and Competition then you will have illusions of grandeur and walk around with a swagger and your m-dot tattoo in full view. That is why I mixed it with a good healthy dose of perception to taper the effects of the other two. Without this last component, you truly go off on a “bad trip” also known as an “ego trip.” The purest form of perception helps keep you grounded, focused on the journey instead of just the result, mindful of both your strengths and weakness, but at the same time, realistic and eager for more. Since PCP is so dangerous when the proportions are off, I recommend my own patented formula with a 15:15:70 ratio of the three.

Lastly, I needed a stimulant—something that would really take my training and racing to the next level, so I began popping M&Ms (Memory and Motivation) like they were candy. Like PCP, these two must be taken together. Memory, if used alone, will leave you felling regretful or nostalgic so that you loose sight of the present. I discovered however, that when taken with Motivation, it could actually be used to your advantage. Chemically, Memories has a synergistic effect with Motivation. Memory provides the fuel that Motivation needs to make you aware of past successes and failures, while motivation makes you want to change them and improve—a very powerful combo.

These drugs are available all over, but choose your dealer carefully since there are a lot of sketchy suppliers out there. I find that the best and purest dealer is yourself. Fortunately, they do not come up on a urine test and are relatively cheap compared to steroids or blood doping.

These three maybe the gateway drug to your next PR.